Then, when you're ready to give your brain a good soaking in unadulterated greed-worship, point your cold, objective, wealth-lust at Capitalism Magazine.
Ladies and gentlemen, start your egos!
"When I say "capitalism," I mean a pure, uncontrolled, unregulated laissez-faire capitalism - with a separation of economics, in the same way and for the same reasons as a separation of state and church." -- Ayn Rand
And when we say "capitalism," we mean grab all the shit you can and screw everybody else.
We must honor Dr. King's struggle to correct racial injustice by getting rid of affirmative action. No, seriously. In my perfect world, where employers aren't prejudiced, this works out fine. And if we get rid of affirmative action I am entirely confident that such a world will be realized.
Dictatorships have no rights. Therefore, we must bomb Iran's nuclear facility. But we won't, so we'll just have to wait for Israel to start a nuclear war.
I have never, judging by my highway construction analogy, ever seen an actual highway construction project in my entire life. And judging by my explanation of economics, I have never seen an actual economy in my entire life. I also call the estate tax the death tax, because it kills puppies.
In conclusion, people affected by the capital gains tax are not actually rich, no matter how much money they make.
I did not actually read anything about the illegal NSA spying program, but Bush said it only applied to al-Qaida making phone calls, and that's good enough for me, even though a cursory search would show that the program was done without warrants and sometimes against purely domestic phone calls and not even solely against al-Qaida. Instead, I'll position the debate as one concerned with spying in general, even though I know that's a fakeout.
Housing prices are low except where environmentalists build their parks. And by "environmentalists" I mean rich people, and by "parks" I mean country clubs. Or I would if I were in the least bit honest. Which I'm not. I also completely made up stuff about a "preserve farmland" movement, which for some insane reason isn't mentioned on the Greenpeace website but totally sounds like something a bunch of crazy environmentalists would support. Developers rule!
Nobody's poor. Thomas Sowell's cure for poverty must have worked. If for some reason, in contravention of my pre-established, completely objective conclusion, somebody is actually poor, then all they have to do is move to a place where they aren't poor.
---
For a possible source of great amusement, gather a group of people similar to those witnessed above. Then get them to explain, in great detail, how every other philosophy other than their own is completely and totally subjective and, therefore, wrong.
It could be interesting to see how they might present one woman's arbitrary ego-driven materialism as "Objectivism" without the slightest recognition of any inherent irony.
However, such a gathering is not recommended in the slightest, as even minor doses of Objectivism can inflate one's sense of self-superiority to dangerously solipsistic proportions.
